Sunday, December 5, 2010

New Concerns

Who the fuck am I - post, "severe depressive episode"? Teetering on the edge of the world today. Without a safety net, and freaking-the-fuck out.

Monday, November 29, 2010


This morning I am off to hospital - after one of the most irritating, sleepless nights, of my life.
We're off to Dermatology for my first appointment since this whole rash thing started, eight weeks ago. Three trips to casualty later, and I am finally being seen by someone who might actually be able to do something.

I stopped taking my antihistamines yesterday afternoon in the hope that there would be some rash 'to show' after taking steroids to avoid casualty at the beginning of the week. I am now covered in purple, bruised, weals - and have been itching, relentlessly, ever since.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Baking Bread

I have just baked my very, first-ever loaf of bread. From scratch. I can smell it, wafting through from the kitchen. It's a triumph!

And very therapeutic.

I kneaded and squidged the dough out, on my newly, completely bare, kitchen surfaces.

(The anal side of me is desperate to point out that I slightly burnt the top, when following Hugh's recipe, and turned the loaf upside-down in the tin. So, very, irritated as it was triumphantly (aesthetically), perfect before that point)

I am now planning a freshly baked and gloriously triumphant, breaddy-breakfast for tomorrow morning. I did it!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lumpectomy Day

OK, quite scared now. What if this is a HUGE mistake?

I'm a bit sick of hospitals. Was in A&E on Monday with The Rash.

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Rash

I have a really bad rash. Like, horror film bad. Like, Elephant Man, bad. I may be allergic to Prozac. *Rubs steroid cream all over body and swallows antihistamine*

I was in the hospital out-of-hours clinic with in on Sunday morning.

It itches. Only a nasty God would give a scratching, self-harmer an itching rash all over their body.

I thought it might have been scabies. It isn't.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sausages and Radio 4

My house smells like the sausages I cooked last night. This is not a good smell for the near-awake, freshly showered; or indeed, a house.

I am sitting with the sun on my back drinking tea, 'casually' listening to Radio 4 (Radio 2 was too loud and 6, had friggin' Christmas songs on) and contemplating my first assessment with CBT therapist at the Biscuit Centre. It's been over a year since Thursday left, I think.

I am also Tweeting to my friend in Japan. Modern. Sumimasen.

At 07:30 this morning, I also - finally, ordered the last two sets of shelves required to organise the house - for the first and final time. It may have taken seven months, but this colossal challenge is nearly over. Strange.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Totally Up

I am totally up. Showered, dressed, had breakfast, got the laundry on - doing my Priory homework. I am sitting at my kitchen table, the windows are open, the autumn chill is blasting through the house and the lights are on and I'm tapping away on my computer.

Yesterday, I was OUT of the house by 08:25, heading to my Weight Management Group on the bus with all the people and now, more.

Today's goal is to stay up. And go and see my shrink.